Ask Amy: This lack of gratitude has a disturbing past

Dear Amy: I have three children, ages 38, 41, and 52.

The two youngest have children under the age of 10.

Every year I give the children thousands of dollars. I give my oldest three times as much because she has been ill for several years, even though she refuses to see a traditional doctor.

None of my children acknowledge my gifts. The middle child will thank me if I ask if the money has shown up in the children’s accounts.

This is complicated by a car accident when my eldest, while she was high on drugs, killed a woman and her baby.

She went to jail for four years. I visited her on weekends, taking away time from the other two. We had to move to another city to avoid death threats to our family, mostly to the children.

The youngest two still don’t speak to her.

Now my oldest isn’t speaking to me because I “favor her siblings.”

I don’t expect gratitude, but an acknowledgment would be nice.

I have had years of therapy, but my children refuse to get any.

Do I have any options, aside from stopping all my giving?

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